Well here’s a few tips from the movies for the guys at NASA
Watchmen 2009
Look out for a big Blue Man wandering round although he can provide Oxygen and a quick way home.
Doom 2005
When arriving on Mars do not dig around looking for artefacts as this could open up a portal to another dimension. By 2030 The Rock will be too old to save Earth’s arse cause the only thing he’ll be smelling is the daisy’s he’s pushing up.
War of the Worlds 2005
Take aged Tom Cruise with you on the landing mission he’ll be able to aid the astronauts escape when the Tripods start kicking off not by running like he did in the film but by giving them a corpse to feed on as you make your escape. Come to think of it take an influenza snot gun too.
John Carpenter's "Ghosts of Mars" 2001
Again, no digging for artefacts as you don’t want everyone possessed by Marilyn Manson look alikes … even if Ice Cube is carrying a shiny gun.
Always and I mean always prepare for a cock up on the way there and again never press buttons to age old artefacts when standing right next to them. If you want to rid the world of Tim Robbins then leave him in charge of the mission.
Red Planet 2000
Don’t take a robot with you that in a previous role was developed as a killing machine no matter how much you want to pet it.
Mars Attacks! 1996
If Tim Burton teaches us anything then its take a record of Indian Love call by Slim Whitman with you. Any resistance to the US Lander will be resolved when you make there head explode. Ackk Akk acck ak akkk
Total Recall 1990
More Artefacts but this time it does result in giving Mars an atmosphere. However check there is a big glacier of ice before detonating. The Bonus is that you may see triple b****** women in one of the local bars
Capricorn One 1978
If it’s too expensive just fake it. Just make sure you whack Elliot Gould first
Quatermass and the Pit 1967
Found a dead locust-like creature that resembles the devil? Watch out these evil Martians may have altered the brains our ancestors so they can take over earth. Just Take Quatermass as the science officer and you’ll be fine.
Flash Gordon – Mars Attacks the World, The Deadly Ray from Mars and Flash Gordon's Trip to Mars 1938
In the event of a “Giant Death Ray” been aimed at earth when landing evokes a galactic incident please refer all complaints to Ming the Merciless. Although Queen Azura and her legions of Claymen and Treemen may act as the local postal service
A Trip to Mars 1910
Produced by Thomas Edison this was the first "movie" about Mars. It has some tips for NASA too; just mix two magical powders as it has the power to reverse gravity. But watch out there maybe Giant Martians that are harmless but they will blow any astronauts back to earth
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