By Odin's Beard .... its Thor

Off to Mars

 So President Obama has announced that NASA shall go to Mars?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8623691.stm

Well here’s a few tips from the movies for the guys at NASA

Watchmen 2009

Look out for a big Blue Man wandering round although he can provide Oxygen and a quick way home.

Doom 2005

When arriving on Mars do not dig around looking for artefacts as this could open up a portal to another dimension. By 2030 The Rock will be too old to save Earth’s arse cause the only thing he’ll be smelling is the daisy’s he’s pushing up.

War of the Worlds 2005

Take aged Tom Cruise with you on the landing mission he’ll be able to aid the astronauts escape when the Tripods start kicking off not by running like he did in the film but by giving them a corpse to feed on as you make your escape. Come to think of it take an influenza snot gun too.

John Carpenter's "Ghosts of Mars" 2001

Again, no digging for artefacts as you don’t want everyone possessed by Marilyn Manson look alikes … even if Ice Cube is carrying a shiny gun.

Mission to Mars 2000

Always and I mean always prepare for a cock up on the way there and again never press buttons to age old artefacts when standing right next to them. If you want to rid the world of Tim Robbins then leave him in charge of the mission.

Red Planet 2000

Don’t take a robot with you that in a previous role was developed as a killing machine no matter how much you want to pet it.

Mars Attacks! 1996

If Tim Burton teaches us anything then its take a record of Indian Love call by Slim Whitman with you. Any resistance to the US Lander will be resolved when you make there head explode. Ackk Akk acck ak akkk

Total Recall 1990

More Artefacts but this time it does result in giving Mars an atmosphere. However check there is a big glacier of ice before detonating. The Bonus is that you may see triple b****** women in one of the local bars

Capricorn One 1978

If it’s too expensive just fake it. Just make sure you whack Elliot Gould first

Quatermass and the Pit 1967

Found a dead locust-like creature that resembles the devil? Watch out these evil Martians may have altered the brains our ancestors so they can take over earth. Just Take Quatermass as the science officer and you’ll be fine.

Flash Gordon – Mars Attacks the World, The Deadly Ray from Mars and Flash Gordon's Trip to Mars 1938

In the event of a “Giant Death Ray” been aimed at earth when landing evokes a galactic incident please refer all complaints to Ming the Merciless. Although Queen Azura and her legions of Claymen and Treemen may act as the local postal service

A Trip to Mars 1910

Produced by Thomas Edison this was the first "movie" about Mars. It has some tips for NASA too; just mix two magical powders as it has the power to reverse gravity. But watch out there maybe Giant Martians that are harmless but they will blow any astronauts back to earth

Fantasy Football ? What About Fantasy Dirty Dozen?

Donald Sutherland - Oddball - Kelly’s Hero's
Steve Guttenberg - Mahoney - Police Academy
Clint Eastwood - Lt Schaeffer - Where Eagles Dare
Robert Shaw - Quint - Jaws
Jack Burton – Kurt Russell – Big Trouble in Little China
Carl Weathers (the bloke who played Apollo Creed) -- Dillon - Predator
James Garner - Hedley -The Scrounger - The Great Escape
Frank Sinatra - Von Ryan - Von Ryan’s express
Lee Marvin - Feldwebel Rolf Steiner - Cross of Iron
Sam Elliot - Sgt Maj Plumley - When we were solders
Elliot Gould - Trapper - MASH
Michael Keaton - Ray Nicolette - Out of sight/ Jackie Brown

Full Metal Geek Out

I went to see Kick Ass this week and really enjoyed it especially with the superhero references. I’m not a big fan of Nic cage but thumbs up for the Adam West Impression. The NY Post published this article about “Real” Life Superheroes roaming the Streets of NY. Take a look at these “soon to be staring in your Local Morgue” Heroes

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/evildoers_nyc_own_superheroes_beware_C07qjscAB2eh34P1CsUOCO

Speaking of Heroes, it looks like Joss Whedon is currently in line to Direct the Avengers Movie Featuring the Casts from Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and Hulk (with Nick fury thrown in). Good Call? I’m not so sure. Serenity was excellent but can we forget Alien 4? But then again who would have Guessed Kenneth Brannagh would direct Thor?

http://www.deadline.com/2010/04/marvel-close-to-whedon-hire-on-the-avengers/

What I found interesting is that Paramount only has a few films left before Marvel go to Disney. I hope I am not the only one worried at the Mouse taking control of such a varied franchise. Mind you at least they can’t do a worse job than the last X-men film. I just have a few requests for Stan Lee and the mouse though

1) Thomas Jane gets reinstated as the Punisher
2) No more Spiderman love stories, a little more action wouldn’t go amiss
3) Never ever cast Vinnie Jones in the X-men again
4) But do recast Alan Cummings as Nightcrawler

5) If you really feel the need to make anymore Fantastic Four Movies can you take a minute to think about Rise of the Silver Surfer

6) Daredevil’s ok but no more Ben Affleck and same goes for Nic Cage in Ghost Rider.

7) Robert Downey Jnr should only ever play Tony Stark

8) Take heart in the fact that nothing has been as awful as DC’s Superman Movie

9) Take note that Marvel haven’t done anything as good as Chris Nolan’s Batman (Iron man was close)

10) Blade needs a cameo somewhere as a new Blade movie would still not be as good as the original. But we all miss Mr Snipes.

11) Don’t change interesting Bad Guys – What they did with Deadpool in Wolverine was shockingly poor

12) And why wasn’t Gambit in more?

13) I want Marvel to create an Elvis Super Hero!!

14) Where the F**k is Moon knight!

15) Just Do Civil war as a trilogy next similar to Watchmen

Even a big bitch cockroach like you should know... never f**k with the King.

Landed on this little bit of news, there will be another in the Bubba Ho-Tep Films !!

Set Before the Originals this one is entitled Bubba Nosferatu: Curse of the She-Vampires with Ron Pearlman as Elvis and Paul Giamatti as Col.Tom Parker

Its Released in 2011

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0457295/

Save Evil Evil Beddy Appeal

Apparently My Fiancée work mates think she controls me a little …. The names have been changed to protect the innocent

We don’t want to give little Evil Evil Beddy charity; we want to give him the means to escape himself. Break him free and he'll be back doing his captors chores in a week. Give him bolt cutters and a key and he'll be free of his daily chores for life

• Just £1 will get Evil Evil Beddy a pair of oven gloves so he doesn't have to take his captors cakes out of the oven with his bare hands.
• Just £5 will buy little Evil Evil Beddy a hat to keep him warm in the cold.
• Just £10 will buy Evil Evil Beddy some bolt cutters to help him escape his captor.
• Just £15 will get him a dog bed the same size as this Captors dog so he can rest at night before his breakfast duties.

Can you spare just £2 a month to help little Evil Evil Beddy break his shackles? For £2 a month, you will receive a signed picture of Evil Evil Beddy and an update on how his life has improved through your donations.

Every minute, every click of Bono’s fingers and Little Evil Evil Beddy does another chore

Stop this …Stop this now

Or tape Bono’s fingers together

Strangest Competition Ever !!

From Lovefilm.com

or is there something familiar ?

Helllooooo ! is it me your looking for ?

Near Perfect Line up?

Revolver Golden Gods Awards

What You two looking At ? Feed him to the Pigs

All bets are off unless your an Insider then they are on ...

Sometimes you read an article and realise that somewhere people invent money. I dont mean designing there own notes, i mean inventing markets that can make or lose millions. I saw this article in the New York Times and after reading it i am still aghast. Basically hedging movie contrats based on how successful a film would be.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/08/business/media/08futures.html?src=mv&ref=business

The thing that jumps out is how easy it would be to manipulate,

While the industry’s opposing comments were not yet final on Wednesday afternoon, Mr. Pisano and others said they were expected to cite a host of potential problems. Those include the risk of market manipulation in the rumor-fueled film world, conflicts of interest among studio employees and myriad contractors who might bet with or against their own films, the possibility that box-office performance would be hurt by short-sellers, difficulty in getting or holding screens for films if trading activity indicated weakness and the need for costly internal monitoring to block insider trades.

Sweet Jesus - they could sink the next Citizen Kane before it even was made but get the next Clash of the Titans to be the highest movie going

Eventually it will all be 3D blandness

Best Thing on TV all Year?

Not The 3rd in the Cornetto Trilogy but good enough

Kung Fu Elvis

From Wikipedia ..

Presley was by now performing in a jumpsuit, which would become a trademark of his live act. During this engagement, he was threatened with murder unless $50,000 was paid. Presley had been the target of many threats since the 1950s, often without his knowledge. The FBI took the threat seriously and security was stepped up for the next two shows. Presley went onstage with a Derringer in his right boot and a .45 pistol in his waistband, but the concerts went off without incident

In January 1973, four men rushed onto the stage in an apparent attack. Security men leapt to Presley's defence, and the singer's karate instinct took over as he ejected one invader from the stage himself. Following the show, he became obsessed with the idea that the men had been sent by Mike Stone to kill him. Though they were shown to have been only over exuberant fans, he raged, "There's too much pain in me ... Stone [must] die."

(Stone was linked to Pricilla during thier divorce)

His outbursts continued with such intensity that a physician was unable to calm him, despite administering large doses of medication. After another two full days of raging, Red West, his friend and bodyguard, felt compelled to get a price for a contract killing and was relieved when Presley decided, "Aw hell, let's just leave it for now. Maybe it's a bit heavy."

When it All Goes Wrong - listen to Bill Shatner . . .

Its not all Acid Blood and Pulling off Heads

I told you 3D was bad

From the Wall Street Journal

Major U.S. movie-theater chains, seeking to capitalize on the surge in revenues fueled by such 3-D hits as "Avatar" and "Alice in Wonderland," are imposing some of the steepest increases in ticket prices in at least a decade.

The new prices take effect Friday in many markets across the country in theaters owned by such major exhibitors as Regal Entertainment Group, Cinemark Holdings Inc. and AMC Entertainment Inc.

The increases, in one case as much as 26%, vary from theater to theater, but many cinemas are raising prices most—or even solely—for 3-D showings

If it Bleeds .......

Interview with 'Predators' Creators Robert Rodriguez And Nimrod Antal

http://www.cinematical.com/2010/03/22/interview-predators-creators-robert-rodriguez-and-nimrod-anta/

Old News Dredged Up

As an avid fan of the Mass Effect Series I have to wonder what Empire are playing at dredging this old story up.

http://www.empireonline.com/empireblogs/infinite-lives/post/p789

For those who don’t know, the original Mass effect courted controversy by including a story line path that caused the main character to bed a female member of the crew (whether she is human or alien). This wasn’t the main thing that caused moderates to start shouting though; it was the ability from the start to create a main of your choosing. So if you picked a female lead then it was possible for your character to end up in bed with a female team mate. This caused outcries from the less informed moral majority to ban Mass Effect

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_Effect#Controversies

So it bemuses me that with the introduction of Mass Effect 2, why this issue has come back. Apparently the Gaming world is not read for Inter Species Lesbian Liaisons; however it’s perfectly acceptable to pull a Marines Head off and polish his skull up for a trophy as a Predator in Aliens vs. Predator released not soon after.

Grab the Bull By the Horns !!

When Movie Execs and cinema's whinge about piracy it always makes me want to bang my head against a wall when you see things like this

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8571186.stm

Lets have cinema release and on DVD in 2 months then people wont be downloading as muc (Please see previous post about taking a family to see a 3D film)

Then maybe just maybe i wont have to watch that stupid film industry clip thanking me for paying to see this film. Wonder how much "Gavin" from Gavin and Stacey got paid for that one

And to complete the Predators Pant Wetting ....

More Predators Pant Wetting

http://www.totalfilm.com/features/predators-everything-we-know/it-s-been-15-years-in-the-making

I dont Know What it is . . but its weird and pissed off !!

The Thing Prequel Updates
http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=27334

http://www.totalfilm.com/news/casting-news-from-the-thing-prequel/?ns_campaign=total_film&ns_mchannel=email-n&ns_source=www.totalfilm.com&ns_linkname=0&ns_fee=0

I've Just Wet myself with Excitement

Lets face it after the Drivel that was AvP:Requiem,  I was always going to be dubious about another Predator film but with the line up and director behind Predators im now wishing August was upon me.

If that wasnt exciting enough its back in the Jungle

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1424381/

Green Zone? More Beige Zone

Right don’t get me wrong this film is ok and if you want a DVD on a Friday night then this will do fine. However I was expecting much more from the Damon/Greengrass collaboration.

After Bourne this is refreshing to see Damon as a normal man and not an ubersolider. This is emphasised through out the film as he gets his ass kicked. Nonetheless from the opening WMD search you know where this film is going unless you haven’t read a newspaper in the past 10 years.

There are some nice touches with Brendan Gleeson been the stand out CIA man complete with a dubious American accent and Freddie the Translator. However the rest of Damon’s Team Seem to be faceless marines with no real back-story.

I think the real issue is that Iraq has become the new Vietnam but where as Vietnam movies relived the nostalgia of a war fought over a decade before these films seem too soon to be revelling in the politics of it all.

The Hurt Locker was different, demonstrating the adrenaline fuelled life that soldiers have to follow to only to come back to the real world of choosing what cereal you want for breakfast. Politics was not the issue society was.

I loveth when a plan doth come together !

Well there’s been some interesting information on various sights. The first is the script reaction to the Coen’s Remake of True Grit with Jeff Bridges (which I mentioned in an earlier blog) and it’s all good

http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Script-Reaction-The-Coens-True-Grit-Remake-16379.html

Speaking of Jeff Bridges, someone with far too much time on there hands has re drafted the Big Lebowski Script in to a Shakespearean play. The Bard doth not abide!! My personal favourite quotes are “That rug, in faith, tied the room together, did it not?” and "I must protest; the Knave minds. This will not stand, this uncheck’d aggression;"

http://www.runleiarun.com/lebowski/

The next bit of news is that the A team Trailer has arrived with a mix of anticipation, happiness and a sense of doom.

http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=26669

http://goseetalk.com/2010/01/08/sweet-trailer-a-team-lo-rez/

Not news but a nice little article which is particularly suited to my Dad and his online rental list is this link. Never hire a DVD by name always check it’s the right one!

http://www.virginmedia.com/movies/movieextras/top10s/right-title-wrong-movie.php?ssid=12

And finally, I follow this blog. John August wrote the screenplays for Corpse Bride and Big fish. He regularly gives tips and insight in to how Hollywood really works. Check out his article on how the Oscar Voting system works

http://johnaugust.com/

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0041864/