The Rolling Stones say "You cant always get what you want" - They obviously went to Starbucks

The thing that bemuses me about Starbucks Coffee Shop Empire is the failure of staff to comprehend what a normal coffee is. Or maybe it’s the fact I don’t understand half the stuff on the board. So i appraoched at Leeds Train Station. What can I get you? The Woman behind the counter asked. Just a coffee, milk two sugars please. Cappuccino?

Errr No a normal coffee? I replied

Oh an Americano with milk?  ahh further questions. To clarify this is that just coffee? i asked. Yes what size? (On the home run) Can i have a Large?. Thats a Venty? (Fell at the final plate) Is that large? Yes (I wonder if this is what happens in an interrogation). Needless to say I got a medium cappuccino. What’s bizarre is that if I asked for a triple de-caff latte with skinny milk and a twist of badger I think I would have got what I wanted. What happened to just coffee?


The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who dont know what the hell theyre doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino!" - Joe Fox to Kathleen Kelly in email - You've Got Mail (1998)

People say do you want to go for a coffee? Not do you fancy going out for a chat and a triple de-caff latte with skinny milk and a twist of badger. So why is it called an Americano? Now surly the Americans aren’t the only people to drink black coffee so why do they get a name. If black coffee is an Americano them what is an Americano with milk?

Caffè Americano, Café Américano or simply Americano (the name is also spelled with varying capitalization and use of diacritics: e.g. café Americano, cafe americano, etc.) is a style of coffee prepared by adding hot water to espresso, giving a similar strength but different flavor from regular drip coffee. The strength of an Americano varies with the number of shots of espresso and the amount of water added. - Wikipedia

Im not going to ponder on the sizes of coffees as this was a running Joke in the poor comedy I Love You Man starring “When you cant get Vince Vaughn or Ben Stiller” Paul Rudd.

No mayo? This is bullshit! - Leonidas on eating a subway sandwich in Meet the Spartans (2008)

In Subway, I never get what I want i.e. a Ham Sandwich. I never know what costs more (Which Bread? Do they cost the same? Is one better hot? Do I really want it toasted if it’s got salad on it and why is cheese an extra option surly that’s a cheese and ham sandwich?).  Mind you, I went to a Subway when I was in Florida and my mate asked for a BLT, The bloke behind the counter didn’t know what it was despite the sign behind him saying BLT at the price. Maybe if I’d asked for a foot long sub on rye with meatballs salad but hold the lettuce and onions grilled with cheese, he might have understood a bit more. Mind you at the look of him he’d probably been brought up on Road kill.